I’m 80. Is This All There Is?

20 02 2026

Today – February 20, 2026 — is my 80th (!!) birthday.

Ten years’ ago, my blog topic was “Becoming 70 – Not over any Hill Yet.” And. Yes. Life was Grand!!

I was living in Mexico with my partner/friend/significant other who, during subsequent years, became my husband. (Side note: check out the three blog entries about the experience of being an “immigrant” marrying in the United Kingdom!) We had Grand Adventures, traveling throughout Mexico, UK, and Europe, often on a motorcycle (Note: it rains a lot in the UK!). But, alas, my five-years-younger husband transitioned in 2023. I miss him, as his music (and our laughter) filled our home daily.

I am, again, on my own.

As they say, “Old age ain’t for sissies.”

Early into my ‘70s, my left ear developed odd sounds – gurgling, hollowness, tintinitis, and then nothing/no sound at all. After about two years’ of visiting an Ear/Nose/Throat doctor and various treatments, the doctor finally admitted there was nothing she could do and suggested an MRI. A tumor had destroyed the auditory nerve. Evaluations by neurologists in both Mexico and the USA determined that this was apparently a meningioma – fairly common, normally benign, and slow-growing. They all recommended, because of my age, to do nothing except monitor its growth with an MRI twice/year. As I have Medicare, I did this in the USA. Silly me, I expected the neurologists to tell me if it was growing. This information was probably in the wordy, doctor-ese written summaries of information, but until last year, I was blissfully unaware that the tumor started at 3 cm (a little over one inch) and was now 5.5 cm (nearly two inches).

I had been noticing more dizziness/light-headedness but blamed it on “old age”.

The neurologist stated that something must be done. The tumor was dangerously close to my brain stem. If it continued growing, I could become completely paralyzed, blind, or dead.  I won’t go into details, but after researching neurologists and options, with me at nearly age 80, doctors in Colorado performed an over-eight-hour surgery on my brain in December.

Family and friends have been awesome – I have lived with my daughter and family in Colorado for nearly three months. Family and friends have chauffeured me to follow-up appointments. I’m preparing to return home to Guanajuato, Mexico, next week.

Life has certainly changed. I’m no longer doing Spartan or 5K races. Just walking from the living room to the bedroom is a challenge. The tumor not only caused the deafness (not repairable) and vestibular/balance issues but was also wrapped around nerves controlling my ability to swallow, and these were damaged during surgery.  They say I’m lucky, as I can eat and drink anything as long as it’s small bites, chewed thoroughly, and swallowed “mindfully,” so not to go into my windpipe. (They floated the idea of a feeding tube!)

I’m lucky and appreciative and yet a bit resentful. My last surgery was tonsillitis at age 10, when I enjoyed popsicles afterwards. Prior to this current operation, I felt healthy. My only pills were vitamin supplements. (Now, still no meds, but I can’t even swallow a pill.) I lived alone with my furry family (two MexiMutts and four street cats). I was hiking with friends (although invitations stopped after my unsuccessful attempt to hop over a stream; some cuts and bruises, but I was able to hike out. However, I’m certain they had visions of dragging me on a make-shift stretcher).

Sooooo – as I approached and lived my 70s, life was still vibrant and exciting – “Not over any hill yet”!

Entering 80s, it’s “WTF??!! Where did this all these years go?!” My mind is still 30s, 40s, 50s. But, alas, the body is not: Spots on my hands. Wrinkled skin. Pudgy belly. Slower reflexes. Balance issues.

I used to marvel at the things my mother, born in 1916, had witnessed: horse-and-buggies to motor cars; first airplanes, computers….Now, I can rememberwhen a fax machine was pure magic (send and receive a document same day!). Computers, including a tour with the computer filling an entire room, and we wore dust-proof clothing — today we hold this same ability in one hand. The tragedy of Kent State. and Columbine. And: AI!  I also remember when democracy, although not perfect, was not in jeopardy – but that’s a different topic.

I wonder what will amaze my grandchildren when they’re in their 80s?

My mother lived independently until she died at 96. I would get frustrated with her. I’m now empathizing. And, as my high school classmates and other peers are dying, I understand why all mom’s friends were younger.

Life is more challenging – to walk safely, swallow without choking (even wine!), just getting around….

Is this all there is? 

Obviously – – Yes.

And perhaps life’s now moving over the hill, but I’m grateful – grateful for the good times and the joy and the memories; for the ability to continue to live in my own home; for time, food, and drink with family and friends; for independence.

I plan to live – and appreciate — every day.

(And. I’m certain that The Next Grand Adventure will be even better than these amazing past 80 years.)

Me, through the ages;

(click on the photo to see the caption)





We Did It!

23 08 2018

Since the last installment – we are governmentally sanctioned – married!!

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Appropriately enough –- While my granddaughter and I were ooh-ing and ahhhh-ing at July 4th fireworks from a rooftop in New York City, Peter received the news of the approval. This irony of the timing is not lost on me — An American marrying a Brit, and the approval comes on our Day of Independence from England.

Hmmmm….serendipity.

As a flash-back – Before officials would interview us, we had to determine the wedding date and venue, with the caveat that we could later change the date but not the venue. Thus, we somewhat randomly settled on August 28, which was more than 70 days past the interview – because the government may have needed that much time to set up more interviews and perhaps a home visit.

We prepared invitations and planned an August 28 Pub Party for friends from throughout England. But Life somewhat interfered, with family illnesses and pressing needs. So with The Government’s Blessing, we moved the date to August 9 followed by a small celebration for local friends. We’re planning a series of smaller get-togethers as we travel to different areas of the country – culminating with a ceremony and celebration at our home in Guanajuato next summer.

PeterMary August 9

People asked, “What are your colors?” Well. My ensemble was aubergine (eggplant) and pewter, which sounds so much more posh than purple and gray. However, we didn’t have “colors” as much as a theme – Clothing purchased from charity shops. (My Elisa Cavaletti label jacket was by Italian designer Daniella Dalavalle.) Big Hats for the women and a Wild Waistcoat for Peter. We picked hydrangeas and lavender that morning from various gardens in Cedar Park where we live.

To paraphrase from a dear friend: “I may be old – I can’t help that. I may be ugly – I can’t help that either. But I can still dress up!”

August 9 was perfect — friends and family, ceremony, reception, weather….

We’d selected the Registry Office Basic Ceremony for ourselves and two witnesses. I was a bit dubious, expecting only a “wham-bam-thank-you-mam” quickie service based on the informational brochure:

  • The Superintendent Registrar will say the preliminary announcements.
  • You will be required to say one form of declaration and one form of marriage contract out loud in the presence of two witnesses plus the Superintendent Registrar and the Registrar.
  • You have the option to exchange one or two rings and the option to make a promise to one another.
  • The Superintendent Registrar will announce that you are married and ask you to sign the marriage register.
  • There will follow a limited photo opportunity.

Not particularly Warm and Fuzzy.

But the ceremony was actually very meaningful. The registrar who had helped us through the interrogation interview process was the one who conducted the ceremony. And even though the rules dictated only two witnesses in the room, we did, of course, convince them to allow in two more very special friends/family.

Another brochure stated: The short ceremony will last approximately ten minutes in the presence of the bride and groom and their witnesses. There is a limited time for a photograph of a mock up of the signing of the register.

 Yes, they did let our friends take pictures in the office – but there was also a garden for celebration photos. Who knew?

Had we known, we’d have planned a bit differently. We bought bubbles rather than confetti because – well, surely no one can complain about a few disappearing bubbles. The hobby store was out of wedding bubbles, but we figured that little kid ones were just as good. These, however, had the consistency of glue, adhering to our clothes and drying to look like dandruff. Margot did bring a popper of glitter confetti — just as she snapped it, a gust of wind puffed it backwards onto her instead. (Note to self: stand up-wind.)

Needless to say, we all laughed a lot.

As for the reception – what could be more appropriate in England than celebrating at a pub?

We’d arranged with our favorite pub, The Mussel Inn, to prepare a salad and ploughman’s lunch for us to “break fast” before the arrival of guests.

The meal that follows your wedding ceremony is known as the wedding breakfast. The name comes from the past when traditionally the wedding ceremony was held after mass; the whole wedding party would fast before mass, and so for the bride and groom this was their first meal. Today the name is kept as a reminder that this is the first meal for the newly married bride and groom, the first meal after the ceremony as man and wife, and so the name breakfast is kept.

They greeted us with a complimentary Gin ‘n Tonic for me and a Guinness for Peter. Thus, the celebrations began….

Persistence pays off.

Life is grand.

 

 

 

 





The Interrogation — oops — Interview One More Time

15 06 2018

It’s been three weeks since we saw our heroes leaving the UK Registry office carrying a list of additional required documentation (passport photos and proof of residence consisting of a council tax or energy bill because providing title to their house was not sufficient).

So. Here we are on June 5, back at the Registry Office. As required, before coming to this meeting, we confirmed and paid for the wedding venue on a date well past the up-to-70-days waiting period: August 28.

We’re feeling confident because our previous interviewer had said that all we’d need were the photos and proof of residence, although we again brought along everything (plus some).

Promptly at the scheduled time, 4:00 pm, we are greeted by Louise, another of the personnel in the Department of Marriages and Civil Partnerships. Her style is totally different from Carol’s three weeks ago. And, since we were unable to complete the previous interview (and, thus, did not pay for it), there were no notes from that meeting.

Complete Start Over.

Louise begins with me individually. After accepting my new photo and comparing it, me, and my current passport, she begins.

All questions relate to Peter – his full name (why no middle name?), birth date, occupation, previous occupation, about his life. Because, I suppose – do I really know this person I’m hoping to marry?

Then she moves to my details. Have I gone by any other name? Duh. This is not my first rodeo. And to husband-Jim’s death certificate. It’s déjà vu of the last interview: “Why does the death certificate say Mary R. Denton rather than Mary Denton Jordan?”

“I don’t know, it’s the way Colorado did it. Here’s my birth certificate showing name Mary Raye Denton.” Having been through this before, I quickly produce what worked the last time: bank card with name Mary R. Jordan.

“Oh, this won’t do. We need to see a government-issued card.”

After several back/forths, Louise excuses herself to check with a superior, documents in-hand. Eventually, they agree that I am, indeed, the same Mary R. Jordan, Mary Raye Denton, and Mary Denton Jordan.

Then, to our place of residence.I tell her the address, carefully explaining that because this is a “holiday home,” there is no mail delivery. “That’s fine,” she assures me. “We just need to know where you’re living.”

We, naturally, must show proof of address. During the last visit, we could not use the Council Tax bill which includes both our names because it is mailed to Peter’s sister at her address, not ours. Which of course has — No mail delivery. We had provided the title to the house, but that was not acceptable. They needed a current energy bill. It’s issued quarterly (most recently, February 22), and I receive it online. So I’d called EDF, the energy company, to find out when the next bill would arrive. June 7, two days after this appointment. The EDF lady kindly agreed to provide an interim bill. It arrived, I downloaded to a memory stick and went to the local library for printing. So I confidently hand her this document.

“Why is only your name on this?”

“Because it comes to my email address.”

“We need something showing Peter’s name at this address.”

“Well, I have title to the property.”

“Yes. That will do.”

I just smile. I feel like screaming! It didn’t “do” last visit – otherwise I wouldn’t have wasted half a day on the phone, downloading the bill, having someone drive me to the library, and then figuring out how to use their printer.

Having (finally) satisfied these legal requirements – so far – she states that we both may need to be available for further interviews or perhaps a home visit. “You will be here during the next 70 days?” My heart drops. I’m flying to the USA to take my granddaughter to New York City to celebrate her 10th birthday. I may be out of the UK as long as two weeks. Louise frowns. “Maybe there won’t be any problems. Or maybe they can work out the schedule. If not, you’ll have to start this entire process over again.”

She thanks me and asks Peter to come in, alone.

I again remind her that we receive no mail delivery at our address. Again, I’m reassured that this will not present a problem.

Peter flows through the interview with flying colors. After all, I’m the possible-problem immigrant from the USA.

Exactly at the end of the allotted one-hour interview, Louise escorts us to the payment window, £46 each, She informs us that the Plymouth UK office is now officially out of this process; it’s all up to the London Home Office. Everything we need to know is in this leaflet, Home Office Referral and Investigation Scheme. (Interesting title. Especially the word “scheme.”)

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We walk out of their office approximately 5:15 pm.

The leaflet explains that “The Home Office is taking tough action to tackle sham marriages….” It also states that it may decide to investigate further and that “The Home Office will make this decision and inform you of it in writing before the end of the 28 day notice period.” (Italics mine.)

In writing.

To our address.

Where we do not receive mail.

Probably to be returned as “undeliverable.”

Think this might be a Red Flag to the Home Office?

Danger! Danger! Danger! Sham address! Sham marriage!

Permission denied!

Lovely.

And, of course, the Plymouth office is now closed.

Promptly at 9:00 am the next day, I call to see if they can put a different mailing address on our application – perhaps get it changed before it gets to London. I am informed I need to talk with someone in the “marriage and ceremony team.” Not available, of course, but someone – yet a different person – calls back in late afternoon. After being told the previous day that this office is now completely “hands off” the process – and reading in the Scheme leaflet that “Staff at the Designated Register Office you attended or wrote to will not be able to tell you how your referral is progressing” — this lady on the phone says not to worry. “They write us at the same time, and we call to let you know.”

Needless to say, I’m not confident.

To be continued (once again)….